May 30, 2005
HPF.com: 1000!
HoustonProFootball.com
If the game of football is decided by inches, then perhaps the success of a football website can be measured in content files. At HoustonProFootball.com, where later this year we will publish our 1000th live HTML file (or for the non-internet savvy, our 1000th web page still currently active), we accept that kind of benchmark.
At almost six years old, this website, much like the young franchise itself, is just getting started, so a simple anniversary celebration just doesn’t seem appropriate. That doesn’t mean we’re lacking in any stories to tell; in fact, we’ve told a bunch of them.
Begun shortly after the NFL awarded Bob McNair the league’s 32nd franchise, HPF.com has both chronicled the city’s storied pro football past while offering its own unique perspective on its present. We’ve been there for such new events as the Reliant Stadium groundbreaking, logo/uniform/cheerleader unveilings, the expansion and college drafts, training camps, the 2002 Hall of Fame game, 19-10, the “practice” in Miami, the goalline dive over the Jags, Battle Red days, the first season sweep over the “Oilers”, and so much more.
It’s been a fun ride to say the least. To say just a wee bit more, below are some selected quotes taken from this site’s first 1,000 content files. Join us as we take a look back now and stick with us as we write our next 1,000 content files.
1999-2000
“Men who grew up on the hot Texas plains, tending to vast farm and ranch lands, herding cattle or drilling for oil, would understand the appeal of grown men running, tackling and kicking a pigskin.”
Pro Log: From George to George, (11/8/1999)
“Well, come to think of it, Tennessee can have most of my memories: 61-7, the Stagger Lee, Ian Howfield, Kevin Gilbride, and every playoff loss from 1987-1993.”
Quick Slant, (11/8/1999)
“O.A. “Bum” Phillips, looked like he came from central casting. The stocky good ol’ boy from Orange, Texas with the ten-gallon hat, the cowboy boots and the square chin was as Texan as Pope Paul VI was Catholic.”
Pro Log: From George to George, (3/21/2000)
“It’s cliché to say an athlete gave all he had, left it all on the field; unless the athlete in question is Mike Munchak. No one gave more, and few were better.”
Houston’s All-Time Team
“If you ever had a next-door neighbor that won the lottery, married the prettiest girl and drove a Ferrari, you’d know how the Oilers felt being in the same division with the Pittsburgh Steelers.”
Pro Log: From George to George, (8/1/2000)
“The Oilers stared controversy in the face, and for once, lived to tell about it. The Week Six win in Foxboro seemed to focus the 1993 Oilers, and allowed them to right their ship under the radar while the media submerged on Father-of-the Year David Williams. It would lead to an unprecedented eleven consecutive victories, the most in franchise history, and their second outright Central division crown.”
The Dream Season, (10/9/2000)
“On a night forever etched onto the forefront of Oiler memories, the nation watched Earl Campbell lead a previously woebegone franchise to gridiron nirvana. With Houston’s thrilling 35-30 victory over the Dolphins, ‘Luv Ya Blue’ ceased being a catchphrase and became a way of life for 50,290 pom-pom waving fanatics and the city they called home.”
The Dream Season, (11/20/2000)
“Bum Phillips had just landed what he thought was the missing piece to his team’s playoff puzzle. He was wrong, of course Earl Campbell was so much more.”
Houston’s All-Time Team
“With those memories elsewhere, the Oilers will never be forgotten. Even against the backdrop of crushing disappointment, the Oilers set a remarkably high standard for Bob McNair and company.”
The Dream Season, (12/18/2000)
2001
“There was no possible way that this email was really from Ian Howfield. I mean, does the guy write to everyone who has ever had something negative to say about him? Granted, that would certainly help explain where he’s been the past decade, but… no, surely it wasn’t him.”
Quick Slant, (1/22/2001)
“The Astrodome became a self-styled “House of Pain”, a place with more licks than a cat with a neatness obsession.”
Pro Log: From George to George, (4/30/2001)
“Al Davis is the drunk at the party thats puked down the front of his shirt but still thinks hes got a shot at the hot girl over in the corner. Youve seen it happen before. And you do feel sorry for him. But youre kinda disgusted, too.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (5/28/2001)
“David Carr definitely bears watching. And he’s reason #3,145 why we bother to play the games on the field, and not on paper; reason #217 why we shouldn’t have panicked when Michael Vick and Drew Henson opted out of the draft and reason #1 why this is such a fun and exciting time for Texan football fans.”
The War Room, (9/10/2001)
“Dallas won 9-7 over the Redskins on a last second Tim Seder field goal. Seder, despite missing 2 of 5 field goal attempts, was the ‘Star of the Game’, but that’s pretty much like being named valedictorian of summer school.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (10/16/2001)
“Think of Tom Brady as the passed over Jan to Brian Griese’s Marcia and Drew Henson’s Cindy. Griese! Griese! Griese!“
The Advance Scout, (10/22/2001)
“I wonder what’s a worst fate in life: having Bud Adams sit naked on your face or being a Cowboys’ wide receiver?”
Quick Slant, (10/30/2001)
“When evaluating Bob McNair as an owner, is using “Well, at least he’s not Jerry Jones” kind of like the 400 points you get on the SAT just for signing your name?”
Quick Slant, (11/14/2001)
“‘Oiler’ fans will deny, vehemently, that ‘Oiler’ head coach, Jeff Fisher, looks exactly like your local Domino’s Pizza manager.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (11/15/2001)
“Chris Simms held the gaze of someone who had just been half-nelsoned by his grandmother. Simms had not yet left the game, but he had already given up. He would soon nick his left throwing hand and whimper out to the sideline for a nap and warm cocoa.”
The Advance Scout, (12/5/2001)
“Ladies remind us sometimes that good things come in small packages but Oiler fans don’t need to be told. From Charlie Tolar to “White Shoes” Johnson to Tony Jones, the little man always could find room in the Oiler offense.”
Houston’s All-Time Team
2002
“Those stories about how fast Earl ran and how long it took him to get back to the huddle – they’re all true. I found myself walking behind him a few times on the way to class and you never saw an able-bodied man walk so slow in your life. Even pausing in between steps, I couldn’t slow down enough to walk behind him for long.”
Upon Further Review, (3/4/2002)
“The Texans must be doing something right if respected front office people, not to mention Tom Donahoe, are complaining about a team building its roster completely within the rules established by those same respected front office people.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (3/25/2002)
“Every summer around this time, fans start to get giddy and all psyched up; they get that look, you know that look — it’s the same one Kyle Turley gets whenever GNC gets in a new shipment of supplements.”
Quick Slant, (7/22/2002)
“Imagine a guy like Michael Irvin in a Texans uniform. Or better yet, think of Terrell Owens without the attitude. Andre Johnson has that kind of upside.”
The War Room, (8/19/2002)
“Don’t fear that just because something good happens to your team it will immediately be followed by something treacherous like Stagger Lee. Or Joe Montana. Or Ian Howfield. Dont fear that a 35-3 lead early in the second half means a second coming of Frank Reich.”
The Advance Scout, (9/2/2002)
“Keith: Yep, for Dallas, it’s Hard Knocks, baby. Texans 17, Cowboys 16.”
GameDay Preview, (9/5/2002)
“Do you realize we have to wait four more years before we get to demoralize the Cowboys again? It’s enough to take the air right out of your sails, isn’t it?”
Quick Slant, (9/10/2002)
“If football acumen were gasoline, Jerry Jones wouldn’t have enough to drive a piss-ant’s motorcycle halfway around a gumball. In 2002, the Cryboys five Super Bowls and 99 cents will get you a couple of tacos at Jack-in-the-Box.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (9/13/2002)
“Expect David Carr on his ass; after that, who the hell knows?”
GameDay Preview, (9/26/2002)
“Whatever the reason, I’ve tried to keep this “wait ’til next year” approach handy each and every Sunday as a means of grounding my expectations, but I must admit, it’s probably gotten about as much use as Andy Reid’s copy of Sugar Busters.”
Quick Slant, (10/3/2002)
2003
“Remember a year ago that it was at the Senior Bowl that David Carr really solidified his status as the Texans’ first pick in franchise history. This year, the Texans staff will coach the North team. Dom Capers and his assistants have an excellent opportunity to get an inside glimpse at what the players are really like and how they fit into the Texans’ offensive and defensive schemes.”
The War Room, (1/16/2003)
“I hope that, when it comes time for the induction speeches, Elvin Bethea gets to go first. He’s waited long enough.”
Upon Further Review, (1/28/2003)
“If the Houston Texans learned one thing from their inaugural season, it’s this: the offensive line needs help. Serious help. And I don’t mean the simple type of help where you walk an old lady across the street. I’m talking about the type of burning desperation those gold-digging chicks feel deep down inside when rubbing up against Joe Millionaire.”
The Advance Scout, (1/28/2003)
“Is it wrong of me to share with you that I had “19-10″ tattooed on my inner thigh?”
Quick Slant, (3/18/2003)
“This period of tedium between the bowl season and the NFL draft is when we chase down our own rabbit holes, contorting our sense of reality along the way. We’ve created our own veritable Wonderland of whimsy and ‘DRINK ME’ potions. We pick at the minutia, we poke at the smoke, and we ponder the improbable.”
The Advance Scout, (3/31/2003)
“A recommendation for Hollings from Georgia Tech coach Chan Gailey may carry some extra weight with Dom Capers, since the two coached together on Bill Cowher’s staff in Pittsburgh and share a belief in establishing the run.”
The War Room, (7/10/2003)
“6:48 – Quietly, linebacker Kailee Wong distances himself from the pack of players that have made it to the practice field. He’s off by himself, near a lamppost, facing away from the fans. His legs spread slightly
oh my god. The man is taking a leak. Where is his decorum? Of all the coaches the Texans have on their payroll, can’t one of them be in charge of reminding the players to wee-wee before they leave for practice?”
The Advance Scout, (7/28/2003)
“And setbacks like the loss of Seth Payne are just the Pennies From Heaven we need to remind ourselves that we should be thankful. That’s right, thankful. Thankful we’re not watching this team as an L.A. Story.”
The Advance Scout, (9/16/2003)
“@#&% the Jags!”
The Armchair Quarterback, (9/29/2003)
“If they can’t punch it in from that close, thought Capers, they don’t deserve to win the game. The conservative coach, so recently burned by a halfback pass gone awry, chose to put it all on the line. The fans screamed. The offensive unit took the field and Carr stooped over his center, Steve McKinney. It was destiny’s appointment.”
Upon Further Review, (9/30/2003)
“While there doesn’t figure to be too many zeroes on the scoreboard, there will still be a big fat one sitting in the Tennessee owner’s suite.”
GameDay Preview, (10/9/2003)
“Tony Banks is laid back in the Warren Moon mold and doesn’t bring enough energy for the whole team. That’s where us fans come in. Make some noise, twirl those silly little red towels, be obnoxious. If Banks completes a handoff, give him a round of applause. If he completes a series without turning the ball over, breakout into a standing ovation.”
GameDay Preview, (10/30/2003)
“An improved draft position is the silver lining in the dark cloud of defeat, not the goal itself.”
The War Room, (12/5/2003)
2004
“The Panthers are a lot like the nerd in the back of the classroom acing the impossibly hard chemistry test and wreaking havoc with the bell curve for the rest of us dumbasses.”
Quick Slant, (1/29/2004)
“Domanick Davis is as comfortable with his hands around a pigskin as Kermit the Frog.”
The Advance Scout, (9/24/2004)
“Just when you think maybe, just maybe… there goes Eddie Drummond down the sidelines untouched, sticking a 99-yard fork in Houston’s chances, and possibly their season. It was so egregious, I’m actually going to pull a Keith on everyone: a Drummond hasn’t treated a Texan that rudely since Arnold locked Sam in the closet during the 7th season of Diff’rent Strokes. What?”
Quick Slant, (9/24/2004)
“Bud Adams likes to say that Houston should thank him for the Texans and Reliant Stadium. Without him and his being driven out of town, they would not exist, he claims. Based on that ‘logic’, I can only assume that Bud, a WWII veteran, owes a great measure of thanks to Adolf Hitler and the Nazis for that stunning new memorial on the Mall in Washington, DC.”
The Armchair Quarterback, (10/20/2004)
“Yikes. Sonny Corleone has taken better road trips than the whacking the Texans have taken the past two weeks.”
The Advance Scout, (11/15/2004)
“Rivals? Okay, Jack, maybe not. Maybe the Texans are just some ‘division opponent’, as you suggest. How about ‘bully’? It sure seems like a more appropriate term than rival. And you dont choose your bullies, Jack. They have a way choosing you.”
The Advance Scout, (12/27/2004)
“Resist the temptation to use the phrase “The BCS is BS.” I chuckled when I first heard that… in 1998.”
The War Room, (12/30/2004)
2005
“At least Ragones deportation gives us reason to actually sit through an NFL Europe game this season. Honestly, Ive tried to catch their games in the past, but those freakshow uniforms they wear make Zubaz pants and topsiders seem like haute couture.”
The Advance Scout, (2/9/2005)
“Being the best receiver in Aggie history is like being the prettiest girl in North Dakota.”
Upon Further Review, (4/7/2005)
“The Texans’ aggressive cap management comes off as cold-blooded, but much like a snake, the Texans need to shed their old skin in order to grow.”
The Advance Scout, (4/28/2005)