To Kill A Mock Draft

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To Kill A Mock Draft
by Keith Weiland and Warren DeLuca
HoustonProFootball.com

Okay, we have officially gone beyond overboard on this pre-draft hysteria. Reggie? Vince? Mario? All we want is serenity now, and yet all you will get are two more worthless mock drafts. Suckers!

Since we know you want to print and save this as toilet paper for use right around, oh, fifteen minutes into Saturday’s draft, we’re going to add a little comment after each of our mocked selections to make the page a bit longer. Bonus!

Just don’t forget to flush. First up is Keith’s mock draft. Scroll down to catch up with Warren’s projection.

*Mocks updated on Friday afternoon.

1. Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State
Holy ****. 2. Reggie Bush, RB, USC
New Orleans thanks Houston once again for their generosity. 3. Vince Young, QB, Texas
Yes, this is Bud Adams’ little way of shooting another middle finger to Houston.  4. D’Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia
Just a hunch, but I’m guessing Jet fans will D’Boo this selection. 5. A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State
The Pack is just setting up ESPN for when they take Hawk’s future brother-in-law next year. 6. Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland
What a bummer for the Niners. First no Bush, but then they end up with a V.D. anyway. 7. Matt Leinart, QB, USC
In spite of coming up short again to VY, Leinart will claim to be the better prospect after the pick. 8. Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State
Ten years since Marv Levy’s last draft was a long time ago, but really it’s just been 12% of his life. 9. Michael Huff, DB, Texas
Huff ought to feel right at home at The University of Texas-Detroit. 10. Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt
What Denny Green should tell the rook: Just keep away from Brenda Warner and you’ll be just fine. 11. Johnathan Jackson, CB, South Carolina
Remember the 3 TDs David Carr threw last year against the Rams secondary? Yeah, Rams do, too. 12. Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon
The "Browns" is what Cleveland will find in their underpants if Ngata makes it down this far. 13. Winston Justice, OT, USC
Drafting an offensive lineman isn’t sexy, but then again, neither is Brian Billick. 14. Chad Greenway, LB, Iowa
From Hawkeyes to Eagles, maybe a tour with the Falcons might be in Greenway’s future. 15. Chad Jackson, WR, Florida
Mike Shanahan likes a challenge. Nothing tougher than turning a Gator receiver into a solid starter. 16. Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State
Note to the rookie: Most people stopped wearing pastels and topsiders in Miami 20 years ago. 17. Ernie Sims, LB, Florida State
Sims won Vikes over in private interviews when he said he was willing to give up his sea legs. 18. Donte Whitner, S, Ohio State
Anyone think Marcus Coleman was really the answer at free safety for the ‘wagon? 19. Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State
Here’s betting Drew Rosenhaus takes credit for working Cromartie back into the first round. 20. Kamerion Wimbley, DE, Florida State
He would have gone higher in this mock if I figured out how to spell his name before time expired.  21. Bobby Carpenter, LB, Ohio State
I just hope Carpenter’s selection prompts ESPN to show some old Luv Ya Blue highlights of Papa Rob. 22. DeMeco Ryans, LB, Alabama
Niners see a lot of linebackers drafted, so they want one, too. 23. Nick Mangold, C, Ohio State
Bucs see a lot of Buckeyes drafted, so they want one, too. 24. Mathias Kiwanuka, DE, Boston College
I think I might be the last person alive who thinks Kiwanuka still goes in the first round. 25. Jimmy Williams, DB, Virginia Tech
Don’t confuse with Jimy, the guy teams fire to win the next year, ‘cuz Giants will still suck then, too. 26. Jason Allen, FS, Tennessee
Bears could use a tight end, but Lovie has it in his contract to always draft defense. I checked. 27. Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota
LenDale White simply screwed himself out of this pick. 28. Tye Hill, CB, Clemson
Remember when the Jaguars had Kenny Wright as their starter? Yeah, so do the Jaguars. 29. DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis
Here’s the real reason why the Texans were unable to get the Jets to trade up to #1. 30. Joseph Addai, RB, LSU
Another Houston native goes to play for a divisional rival. Sickening. 31. Ashton Youboty, CB, Ohio State
Seahawks’ front office thinks Youboty would look good in bluish… greenish… whatever. 32. Manny Lawson, DE, N.C. State
#1 sign you are a draft addict: You are still reading the comments on this mock draft. 33. D’Qwell Jackson, LB, Maryland
If the Texans draft Jackson, they will have done D’qwell. Stop D’booing me, it’s D’Best I have left.       And now for Warren’s mock…     1. Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State
Uh…I knew it all along. Seriously. 2. Reggie Bush, RB, USC
But can they sign him? 3. Vince Young, QB, Texas
Bud Adams reads those Chronicle ads, too.  4. D’Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia
Broadway Brick? 5. Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland
They strongly consider Hawk but opt for the highly-coveted Terp. 6. A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State
They hope he’ll fill the gap left by Julian Peterson. 7. Matt Leinart, QB, USC
This makes too much sense for Al Davis to actually do. 8. Michael Huff, DB, Texas
They can try him at either free safety or corner. 9. Brodrick Bunkley, DT, FLorida State
Rod Marinelli, a former D-line coach, gets a guy he knows how to use. 10. Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt
Kurt Warner’s days are numbered. 11. Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon
The Rams take the best defensive player available. 12. Manny Lawson, DE, N.C. State
They’d like a widebody like Bunkley or Ngata but are happy to take a speedy edge rusher. 13. Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State
Ozzie Newsome rolls the dice. 14. Chad Jackson, WR, Florida
The good news is that he’s no TO; the bad news is that he’s no TO. 15. Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State
The Broncos may also acquire Javon Walker from the Packers. 16. Ernie Sims, LB, Florida State
Saban is so thrilled that this playmaker is still on the board that he almost cracks a smile. 17. Chad Greenway, LB, Iowa
The Vikes go for more speed on defense. 18. Winston Justice, OT, USC
Parcells will ride this gifted but raw talent very hard. 19. Donte Whitner, S, Ohio State
The Bolts want to revamp their secondary. 20. Kamerion Wimbley, DE, Florida State
Herm Edwards understands the importance pass rushers.  21. Bobby Carpenter, LB, Ohio State
The Pats don’t like to take LBs this early, but he fits their profile: tough, smart, and versatile. 22. Johnathan Jackson, CB, South Carolina
More defensive help for the Niners. 23. DeMeco Ryans, LB, Alabama
Solid all-around player. 24. Jason Allen, FS, Tennessee
Medical opinions of his hip injury will make a huge difference in where he goes. 25. Tye Hill, CB, Clemson
A better athlete than player at this point. 26. Eric Winston, OT, Miami
Could be groomed as a guard or right tackle. 27. Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota
The Panthers like a deep backfield. 28. Davin Joseph, G, Oklahoma
The Jags beef up their interior O-line with this former wrestler. 29. DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis
Curtis Martin is finally slowing down. 30. Joseph Addai, RB, LSU
Addai’s versatility makes him a good fit for the Indy offense. 31. Kelly Jennings, CB, Miami
He’ll contribute immediately as a nickelback. 32. Sinorice Moss, WR, Miami
He’ll fill Antwan Randle El’s role. 33. Tamba Hali, DE, Penn State
The Texans hope they’ve finally found a disruptive pass rusher. Reggie Bush Reggie Bush Home

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