November 13, 2006
The Dave After, 11/12/06
By Dave Sabo
HoustonProFootball.com
Texans 13, Houston’s Bitch 10
Fred Taylor just discovered how tough it is to run with a foot stuck in his mouth. Those dumbasses in the Florida backwaters might want to start treating these games like a rivalry. Maybe then they wouldn’t keep getting embarrassed at home. At this rate, they’ll have to cover up another couple thousand seats to make sure Jag home games sell out.
Ravens 27, Vince Young 26
I wish I could have seen the look on Bud’s face as former “Oiler” wide out, Derrick Mason, gathered in the pass from former “Oiler” quarterback, Steve McNair, that beat the “Oilers”. Vince Young again led the “Oiler” defense to give up a big lead late in a game he ultimately lost. So uninspired by Young’s lack of passing skills, “Oiler” kicker, Rob Bironas, missed one kick and had another blocked.
Packers 23, Vikings 17
Remember when the Packers/Vikings rivalry really MEANT something? Yeah, me neither.
Colts 17, Bills 16
Having tired of simply goofing around until the game is on the line and then pulling out the win, this week against Buffalo, Peyton played with one arm tied behind his back, Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai tied their shoelaces together and the entire defensive front seven played blindfolded. Leading by one, Indy fumbled on their own 41 to make it interesting. They held on for the win.
Dolphins 13, Chiefs 10
Damon Huard vs Joey Harrington. We’re still waiting on STATS, Inc to verify that this was, indeed, the worst quarterback match-up in the history of the NFL.
49’ers 19, Lions 13
The Niners have informed the City of San Francisco that they’ll be seeking a move to the San Jose suburbs after their lease expires in 2008. They’ve assured everyone that they won’t change their name, but they will be calling themselves the San Francisco 49’ers of Santa Clara.
Chargers 49, Bengals 41
Proving that you can bore NFL fans to death while putting up 90 points combined.
Browns 17, Falcons 13
Hey, Michael Vick, make up your mind! Either suck or reinvent the game. I could care less either way, but pick one or the other and stick with it!
Eagles 27, Redskins 3
The best part of this loss by the Deadskins will be listening to their bewildered fans this week. They spent all last week convincing themselves that they actually earned the win against the Cryboys and weren’t the beneficiaries of an awful call and the luckiest break of the season. People here actually believe Washington is going to the playoffs and will make some noise in the postseason. I’m serious. They really believe this.
Jets 17, Patriots 14
I’m not saying the AFC East is the worst division in the NFL, but I think it’s making a good case for the most overrated division. The Texans already beat Miami and they get a crack at Buffalo next week. I’m not gonna go all Fred Taylor on you but do the Bills really worry you? Or the Jets and Pats, for that matter?
Steelers 38, Saints 31
Somebody declare a national holiday, Reggie scored a touchdown from scrimmage!! The fact that this is newsworthy is yet another indication of how pathetic Reggie Bush is. Also, take note that Reggie scored… and New Orleans lost. That about sums it up.
Seahawks 24, Rams 22
Could somebody buy Shaun Alexander a pair? That “ouchie” on his tootsies is freaking killing the Cobra Kai (my money league fantasy team). He’s been cleared and there’s no sign of the micro-fracture, but sometimes it hurts after he runs. Shaun, Ronnie Lott had the trainer cut the end of his finger off during a game so he could play. Find somebody with some cortisone and get on the field!
Broncos 17, Raiders 14
Hey, Al! Could you turn the lights off in the Bay Area after every other professional major league team bails for greener pastures? A hundred years from now, the Raiders are still going to be playing in that dump.
Cowboys 27, Cardinals 10
There’s a new stadium in ‘Zona, but it’s the same old story about Cryboy fans invading the place when America’s Crackwagon trundles into town. The broadcast team noted that the place was about split in half and that the new stadium gave Cryboy fans the chance to BUY SEASON TICKETS! Is there ANYthing good about the Cardinals?