The Gag’s on Us

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September 21, 2007
The Gag’s on Us

by Bob Hulsey

This Sunday, the Houston (professional football team) will play the Indianapolis (professional football team) in the most significant game of their franchise history since they upset the Dallas (professional football team) in their very first game.

With a revived offense under (quarterback) and (star wide receiver), the (team) are a surprising 2-0 to start the season. They will face their toughest test yet. The improving Houston defense will have to stop (frequent ad spokesman) and his army of receivers. The (Houston team) must chew up clock and make the most of every possession in order to slow the (Indianapolis team) down.

Don’t look now but the (Houston team) have actually won five of their last seven regular-season contests, as good a sign as any that (head coach) has turned around one of the most woebegone expansion franchises in the history of the (professional football league). In just 21 months on the job, (head coach) has turned the (team) from laughingstocks into a club receiving some national media respect.

A large part of that is due to the emergence of (2006 first round draft choice) as a defensive force. It’s been comical how many media types are patting themselves on the back now and saying they predicted all along that (2006 first round draft choice) was a better selection than (megahyped Heisman winner) and (local hero quarterback). Other than ESPN’s Michael Smith, you could have heard crickets chirping waiting for any media types to say that last season. Now, they all want to take credit for saying this a year ago. Um, okay.

The addition of (2007 first round draft choice) wasn’t as highly criticized but some (including me) wondered if it was the wisest use of the selection. In Charlotte, (2007 first round draft choice) recorded two sacks in his own coming out party. It remains to be seen whether (2006 first round draft choice) and (2007 first round draft choice) can build on these first two games and become the terrorizing duo the (team) have promised.

This week, then, becomes out first partial answer. (2006 first round draft choice) will be going up against (rookie left tackle) in hopes of knocking (Indianapolis quarterback) on his (buttocks) a few times. He’ll need to, or we’ll be seeing (recently acquired safety) and (recently signed free agent) scrambling to stay with Indy receivers all day.

Hey, the (Indianapolis team) didn’t win the (league championship) last year by accident. (Heck), they were so good they even came back to beat (illegally taping coach) and the (New England team) in the playoffs. How much more impressive was that, given what we now know about the (peeping Toms)?

Personally, I don’t think the (Houston team) are up to the challenge quite yet. Their time will come. I still have doubts about the offensive line and the secondary, in particular, playing well throughout the season.

Also, (star wide receiver) will be out for this week’s game, meaning (third round phenom) and (oft-injured speedster) will need to make some big plays in his absence.

Indy was a disinterested group when the (Houston team) won last (seasonal holiday). They had nothing to play for, a playoff spot having already been secured. This time around, both squads will be motivated to claim sole ownership of the (league conference’s southern) division lead.

But, win or lose, the (Houston team) appear to be a team on the rise and that development leaves me speechless.


Bob Hulsey’s column has been approved for online publishing by the National Football League, the National Football League Players Association, the United States Supreme Court, the Federal Communications Commission, the Federal Trade Commission, the ACLU, the NAACP, OSHA, CAIR,, PETA and his mother. Every effort was made to expend as little carbon dioxide as possible during the creation of this column in order to save the planet and all topics published are recycleable. Any retransmission, rebroadcast or any use of the pictures and accounts of this column without the expressed written consent of the author or his agent is strictly prohibited and will result in you receiving a nastygram from our legal department. Do not remove this tag under violation of federal law.

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