October 23, 2006
The Dave After, 10/22/06
by Dave Sabo
HoustonProFootball.com
Texans 27 Houston’s Bitch 7
I should be ashamed of myself for picking against our boys, especially on Battle Red Day! But, I’m just not. Man, beating Houston’s Bitch is soooo much fun! Whether checking out their slack-jawed fans bewildered posts on their message board or giggling at the thought of uber-dope, Jack Del Rio, kicking his dog and beating his wife out of frustration, I’ve always got a little more spring in my step the week after the Texans take the Shame of North Florida to the woodshed.
Bucaneers 23 Eagles 21
So, if you’re the Eagles, what’s more embarrassing: losing to the Bucaneers or having your official website pull a “Dewey Defeats Truman” by posting a story about the Eagles stunning come from behind victory? Matt Bryant and his winning 62-yard field goal say it’s a draw.
Jets 31 Lions 24
Time to add Leon Washington to the “List of Rookie Running Backs That Are Better Than Reggie Bush”.
Bengals 17 Panthers 14
This game was like a drunken cat fight between two bipolar, codependent psycho hosebeasts with severe addictions, self-esteem issues and in need of anger management classes. The winning Bengals are the one whose boyfriend pulled her off the other one right before she started slamming her head into the ground by her hair. Honestly, does anybody ever know which one of these teams is gonna show up?
Packers 34 Dolphins 24
Congratulations to Joey Harrington, the most recent graduate of the Billy Volek School of Throwing for Over 400 Yards… And Still Losing. Hucking up three interceptions tends to put a damper on your day.
Patriots 28 Bills 6
That November game against the Bills is looking more and more like a possible win for the Texans. It’s in Houston rather than Buffalo where they’ve already had two blizzards this year and they won’t be wearing those really nice throwbacks like they did when the Texans screwed the pooch on opening day last year.
Chiefs 30 Chargers 27
Trent Green practiced this week for the first time since nearly being decapitated in Week 1. He’s apparently coming back a couple of weeks earlier than expected. Now, I know we’re talking about Damon Huard here, but after being Wally Pipp’ed once already by Kurt Warner, I’m guessing Trent’s not taking any chances.
Falcons 41 Steelers 38
Reports of Ben Roethlisberger’s resurgence have been greatly exaggerated. Actually, he was having a great day before he got carted off as was his replacement, Charlie Batch, and his counterpart, Mike Vick. Then the game devolved into a replay of the 1972 Olympic Basketball Final with the Falcons whiffing on three game-winning field goals (by two different kickers!) before finally putting everybody out of their misery in overtime.
Colts 36 Redskins 22
Man, I cannot believe that the Texans lost to the train wreck that IS the Washington Redskins. How do they let 87 year-old Mark Brunell complete 22 straight passes? Jeez, even the “OILERS” beat them! Just incomprehensible.
Raiders 22 Cardinals 9
Oh, yeah, that’s a swarm of locusts heading our way following the Raiders win; signifying that the End Days are nigh…just as the Bible prophesized. I missed the post game press conference. Did Denny Green have an aneurysm? Hey, Denny, bet the Raiders WEREN’T what you thought THEY were, huh?
Denver 17 Cleveland 7
Hey, Texans fans. It could be worse, we could be Browns fans. Here’s some Browns trivia: Did you know that Browns middle linebacker, Matt Stevens, is the second cousin of one of my co-workers?
Vikings 33 Seahawks 13
An historic day in Seattle as the Vikings and Seahawks played in what were, collectively, the worst uniforms in the history of the NFL. And for the record, Hasselbeck’s injury just but the kibosh on the ‘Hawks Super Bowl hopes.