The Dave After, 10/15/06

October 16, 2006
The Dave After, 10/15/06

by Dave Sabo

Cryboys 34 Texans 6

Congratulations to the dallas Cryboys on what is easily the biggest win of their season (if not franchise history). I know being second fiddle in Texas has been an embarrassment for their “fans”, so this shocking upset of the organization that’s owned them since its inception should make the lives of those ignorant mouth-breathers a little less pathetic. For a day anyway.

“Oilers” 25 Redskins 22

The “Oilers” have finally found something that Vince Young does well; hand the ball off to Travis Henry. Henry carries 32 times for 178 yards, but ESPN blathers about Young leading them to victory. Whatever would they do without his sub-50 completion percentage? Although, I guess Vince not heaving up a horrible interception is reason to rejoice in Nashpatch.

Saints 27 Eagles 24

Speaking of blathering, if you just listened to the national media and didn’t watch the game, you’d be led to believe that Reggie Bush single-handedly beat the Eagles with his 4 yards per touch. The REAL story in NO? The Saints’ ability to overcome Bush’s utter mediocrity and win 4 of 5 so far.

Buccaneers 14 Bengals 13

I hope Chris Simms’ unemployment insurance is paid up.

Seahawks 30 Rams 28

Can you believe that Marshall Faulk is STILL on the Rams roster? Worse yet, he’s still on More Cowbell’s roster. [Ed. note: ‘More Cowbell’ is the name of Dave’s fantasy team in the Dynasty League.] I’m sure those facts say something about the GM of skills of both myself and Charley Armey. I don’t know WHAT it says, but I know it ain’t good. [Ed. note: Obviously.]

Panthers 23 Ravens 21

Brian Billick’s first hint that Steve “Shooter” McNair was done should have been the fact that the quarterback-challenged “Oilers” couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. If that wasn’t enough, the enormous fork sticking out of his back should have tipped him off. And now he’s got a concussion and a neck sprain. That came outta NOwhere!

Giants 27 Falcons 14

How can, arguably, the best runner in the game play in New York (okay, New Jesrey) for one of the league’s storied franchises and be as invisible as Tiki Barber? If it weren’t for all those stories five years ago about him and Ronde being twins, you wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a lineup.

Lions 20 Bills 17

When Bill Simmons is faced with having to comment on a crap game like this, he always states that he’s contractually obligated to comment on it. Luckily, I have no such obligation.

Chargers 48 49ers 19

Marlon McCree really wasn’t good enough for the Texans to re-sign a couple years back? I know he’s not Hall of Fame material, but the guy was more than solid. He did his job and made a big play every now and again. He could be sitting on the sideline doing nothing as well (if not better) than Phillip Buchanon and he wouldn’t have cost 2nd and 3rd round draft picks.

Steelers 45 Chiefs 7

Dammit! Looks like Ben Roethlisberger is coming out of his motorcycle-crash-without-a-helmet-followed-by-an-emergency-appendectomy-induced haze. I was REALLY starting to enjoy that thing he’d do where he’d launch a horrendous interception and then stand there looking down at his hands with a bewildered look on his face. He looked genuinely astonished that the ball ended up somewhere other than he’d intended. Now it looks like the Steelers will be making a run at another opportunity for the officials to give them another Super Bowl win.

Jets 20 Dolphins 17

I know Daunte Culpepper’s career is probably over and all, but is it really a good idea to start an epically stoned Dave Grohl at quarterback? Wait, what? That’s Joey Harrington? My bad.

Broncos 13 Raiders 3 (7:11 3rd Quarter)

Look, it’s 10:09PM EST and my alarm clock goes off at 5:30AM. The Raiders offense combined with the massive ball of suck that WAS the Texans this afternoon is making me nauseous (those gawd-awful blue-on-blue Broncos clown suits aren’t helping either). If Jerry Porter doesn’t have to watch this garbage, I shouldn’t have to, either. I’m going to bed.