November 11, 2004
The Fifth Annual Davey Awards
by Dave Sabo
HoustonProFootball.com
No time for love, Dr. Jones! Let’s just get to handing out the hardware!
Midseason MVP, Offense
Nominees: Drew Brees, Daunte Culpepper, Priest Holmes, Peyton Manning
And the Davey Award goes to: Peyton Manning. If he had any defensive help, the Colts would be favored to win it all at this point. Everything is clicking for Manning and the offense. He’s on pace to shatter Steve Young’s Passer Rating record and surpass Marino’s record of 48 touchdowns in a season.
Midseason MVP, Defense
Nominees: John Abraham, Ray Lewis, Zach Thomas
And the Davey Award goes to: Zach Thomas. In a season marked by steady play rather than standout performances on defense, Thomas’ 105 tackles earns him the Davey Award. Not to mention a lone bright spot in what should be one of, if not the, worst seasons in Dolphins history.
Rookie of the Half Season, Offense
Nominees: You’re kidding, right?
And the Davey Award goes to: Could it be anybody but Ben Roethlisberger? The guy’s got not one, but TWO burgers named after him at local Pittsburgh restaurants and is really making people wonder what all the fuss was about at the top of the draft last April. While prima donna benchwarmers Phillip Rivers and Eli Manning can’t even sniff the playing field, “Big Ben” has won his first 6 starts and become a genuine folk hero in western Pennsylvania.
Rookie of the Half Season, Defense
Nominees, Dunta Robinson, Nathan Vasher, D.J. Williams, Gibril Wilson
And the Davey Award goes to: Dunta Robinson. I figured this would be Sean Taylor’s to lose. Hard to be an MVP (or even nominated) sitting in jail with a DUI. Dunta’s been beaten a couple of times, but he’s come up huge just as often. It’s hard to ask much more of a rookie being thrown into the fire at a position like cornerback.
Coach of the Half Season
Nominees: Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Bill Cowher, Marty Schottenheimer
And the Davey Award goes to: Marty Schottenheimer. That loss to the Chargers in the home opener isn’t looking so pathetic now. Rumored to be on the hot seat at the start of the season, Schottenheimer’s got at team that was expected to be a doormat in the thick of the playoff hunt.
Best Team
Nominees: New England Patriots, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Diego Chargers
And the Davey Award goes to: The New England Patriots. This was tough but, despite the fact that the Steelers beat New England, if they were to play again at a neutral site or at Gillette Stadium, I’d have to go with the Pats. Even with all the injuries. Man, I’m gonna hear about this one.
Biggest Surprise
Nominees: Ben Roethlisberger, San Diego Chargers, Ricky Williams’ “retirement”
And the Davey Award goes to: Ben Roethlisberger. While you expect a quarterback taken with the 11th overall pick to pay dividends, you don’t expect it in the second game of the season. And I think asking him to win his first six starts is a bit much as well. Sure, a lot of the Steelers success can be attributed to the defense, but Roethlisberger deserves his fair share of the credit as well. Everyone wrote the Steelers off when Maddox went down, but Ben came in and actually brought something to the table. I hope Tommy is renting.
Worst Team
Nominees: Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Miami Dolphins, San Francisco 49’ers
And the Davey goes to: The Miami Dolphins. Murphy’s Law in action. Anything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong in Miami. Ricky quit, everyone got injured, Dave Wannstedt was still the head coach and, with a QB battle between A.J. Feeley and Jay Fiedler, they weren’t that good to begin with. They had a real shot at going 0 and 16. They’ll have to settle for 1 and 15.
Biggest Disappointment
Nominees: Overtime loss to Minnesota, Bennie Joppru, Sean Taylor, Ricky Williams
And the Davey goes to: Sean Taylor. It all started with the agent debacle and got worse with his bailing out of the rookie symposium for a still unclarified, yet decidedly shady situation at the University of Miami (that bastion of character and good sense). Once he got to camp and got on the field, the ‘Skins got a look at the potential he possesses. What he apparently doesn’t possess are good workout habits, great desire or common sense. His recent arrest for DUI cost him a game and for a safety taken at #5 overall the results so far are unacceptable.
Worst Game
Nominees: Houston at Detroit, Week 2; Arizona at Atlanta, Week 3; Miami at Buffalo, Week 6; Buffalo at San Francisco, Week 16
And the Davey Award goes to: Arizona at Atlanta, Week 3. Three field goals! Woo-hooo! Only 22 total first downs by run or pass, barely 500 yards of total offense, only 2 drives of more than 8 plays, eleven punts and 8 turnovers. It was a battle between the 20’s and it was boring and sloppily played.
Lamest Fans
Nominees: Arizona Cardinals, Dallas Cryboys, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans
And the Davey Award goes to: The Jacksonville Jaguars. They can’t sell-out their stadium and they could write what they know about the game on the back of a matchbook cover with a crayon. And misspell everything to boot. Sample e-mail from a typical slack-jawed Jag fan prior to the ass-whupping in Houston:
“how in the hell did anyone ever higher (sic) you? you suck as a writer!”
Well, Ken Jennings, the first step is demonstrating knowledge of the difference between the words “higher” and “hire”.
And for the stalker who had plenty to say prior to Halloween, but hasn’t been heard from since, about the excuses you kept desperately begging me to offer; winners don’t make excuses, they leave that to the local paper of the team that just got “Ralphied”. Go check the Florida Times-Union. Somewhere amongst the whining lies about choked linemen and the crying about the officiating, they can help you out with your pathological need for excuses.
Most Painful Eyesores
Nominees: Buffalo Bills home unis, Cincinnati Bengals alternates, Miami Dolphins all-orange nightmare, everything the Tennessee Titans wear
And the Davey Award goes to: The Cincinnati Bengals alternates. Quite simply the worst…uniforms…EVER! And that includes the Broncos brown-and-yellow-with-the-vertical-striped-socks disaster, the Vancouver Canucks brown and yellow V-necks, the White Sox collared jerseys and shorts combo and even the Rockets late-90’s striped pj’s. They’re indescribably bad.
The Deion Sanders “Way Past His ‘Primetime’” Award
Nominees: Eddie George, Joe Gibbs, Jerry Rice, Vinny Testaverde
And the Davey Award goes to: Eddie George. Um, Eddie? You won this last year in a landslide and have been on the downside of your career for half a decade now. Is 2-7 your jersey number or your YPC? You are awful and it’s way past over. The only solace I take in your insistence on pretending you bring anything to the table is that you are sucking mightily for the Cryboys who were dumb enough to sign you.
The Deion Sanders “’Excellence’ in Broadcasting Award”
Nominees: Michael Irvin, Joe Thiesman, Stephen A. Smith, Solomon Wilcots
And the Davey Award goes to: Solomon Wilcots. I caught Stephen A. Smith acting all pompous and smarter-than-everyone talking about the NFL (what the…?!) recently and immediately wanted to award him the Davey. Why anybody believes pointing a camera at him while he’s emphatically being wrong about any and everything he talks about would be a good idea, is beyond me. He had this all wrapped up until I realized that, after 24 weeks of football, Solomon Wilcots STILL hasn’t figured out that the mans name is Doma-NICK, not Doma-NIQUE. He was ROOKIE OF THE YEAR, for cripes sake!
Dave Sabo is quite aware that you think he’s a moron because he chose player/subject A over player/subject B for this year’s (or, for that matter, any other year’s) Davey Award. However, if you feel that you absolutely MUST remind him of this fact by e-mail, please do so knowing that he’s pretty sure that you’re wrong.