November 5, 2002
The Third Annual Davey Awards
By Dave Sabo
HoustonProFootball.com
In a stunning development, for the first time in the short, yet, illustrious history of the Daveys, a single team has placed a nominee in every applicable category. The HOUSTON TEXANS! Whoda thunk it?! Now, to hand out the hardware
Midseason MVP, Offense
Nominees: Drew Bledsoe, David Carr, Brett Favre, Priest Holmes
And the Davey Award goes to: Brett Favre. He just keeps going and going and going and Fresh off his incredible 165th straight start, Brett Favre is the highest ranked quarterback on what is currently the best team in the NFL. While the pieces keep changing around him in Green Bay, Favre keeps on playing. And winning. He’s the -est player in the League; smart-est, tough-est, clutch-est, etc.
Midseason MVP, Defense
Nominees: Derrick Brooks, Simeon Sapp, Jamie Sharper, Brian Urlacher
And the Davey Award goes to: Derrick Brooks. A tough call here as there are many deserving players and not really any one stand-out as in years past. Brooks gets it due to his four touchdowns and the fact that he’s the most productive player on the best defense in the NFL. Without Brooks and the Bucs defense, that team is making reservations for the golf course rather than the playoffs.
Rookie of the Half Season, Offense
Nominees: David Carr, Joey Harrington, Clinton Portis, Patrick Ramsey
And the Davey Award goes to: David Carr. I know, I know; it’s the homer pick, but I do have an argument. First off, does anybody else get the feeling you can throw anybody behind the Broncos offensive line and have him get results? No, that’s not really fair to Portis, but at the same time, how would he fare playing next to four (sometimes, five) other rookies? Put in that perspective, the season David Carr is putting together is mighty impressive. He’s on pace to throw for 2,700+ yards and 14 touchdowns and he’s doing it with receivers that, prior to this season, couldn’t even be called “serviceable,” and in the face of relentless pressure. I’m excited for his future.
Rookie of the Half Season, Defense
Nominees: Julius Peppers, Julius Peppers, Julius Peppers, Ramon Walker
And the Davey Award goes to: Julius Peppers. Everything we were told about his athletic ability is absolutely true, now he just has to work to make himself truly great. If he ends up breaking Jevon Kearse’s rookie sack “record,” he needs to understand that that doesn’t mean he can’t be even better.
Coach of the Half Season
Nominees: Dom Capers, Steve Mariucci, John Gruden, Marty Shottenheimer
And the Davey Award goes to: Marty Shottenheimer. His offense is boring and he’s a tyrant and he doesn’t relate to today’s players, but all Marty Shottenheimer does is win. Everywhere he goes. No, he doesn’t win the big ones, but at least he gets to the big ones. He currently has the best team in the toughest division in the league. Meanwhile, the owner of the team he coached last season fired him (in the middle of a 14-5 run) and replaced him with a guy that has taken eight games to figure out that, in the NFL, you need a guy with an arm and some mobility to play quarterback. Marty probably smiles a lot these days.
Best Team
Nominees: Green Bay Packers, Houston Texans, San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles
And the Davey Award goes to: Green Bay Packers. After a slow start, they’ve really come on lately. They’re led by the best quarterback in the game and everything is clicking. They’re 7-1 for the third time in team history. The last two times, they won the Super Bowl.
Most Improved Player
Nominees: Drew Bledsoe, Corey Bradford, Kevin Carter, Tommy Maddox
And the Davey Award goes to: Tommy Maddox. It was close between Tommy and Drew, but the debacle in Orchard Park last weekend made it a lot easier to call. If the XFL is remembered for anything positive, it might just be that it allowed Tommy Maddux a second chance. Out of the NFL for five seasons, Maddox led the LA SomethingOrOthers to a “championship.” The Steelers picked him up and as soon as Kordell Stewart stumbled, Maddox seized his chance. He’s been the catalyst in the Steelers’ resurgence, which has Pittsburgh talking playoffs again.
Biggest Surprise
Nominees: Tommy Maddox, the NFC South, San Diego Chargers, Texans 19, Cryboys 10
And the Davey Award goes to: Texans 19, Cryboys 10. Another homer pick, but really rather shocking when you think about it. It had only been done once previously (an expansion team winning its opener), and that was 41 years earlier. And the odds of it happening again are pretty slim as the NFL has no current plans to expand.
Worst Team
Nominees: Cincinnati Bengals, Detroit Lions, Houston Texans, Minnesota Vikings
And the Davey Award goes to: Houston Texans. I’m probably gonna get a lot of heat for this one, but right now, on this day, at this moment, it’s the Texans. The only other real option is the Bengals and they didn’t just beat the Texans last week, they crushed them. In their own house. After they were all but called out by Cincy.
Biggest Disappointment
Nominees: Tony Boselli, Chicago Bears, Michael Strahan, Texans 3, Bengals 38
And the Davey Award goes to: Michael Strahan. He ended up with a somewhat tainted record last year, he acted like a spoiled child in the offseason, whined his way into a HUGE contract and is now just phoning it in. Pathetic.
Biggest Idiot
Nominees: Dwayne Rudd, Steve Spurrier, Jay Foreman, Terrell Owens
And the Davey Award goes to: Dwayne Rudd. It takes a tremendous idiot to snatch this award from a honyock like Spurrier, but Dwayne was up to the task in Week 1. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, Rudd wanted everyone to know exactly who it was that “sacked” Trent Green to preserve the Browns’ win, so he took off his helmet. Unfortunately, Green hadn’t been sacked and completed a shovel pass to the Browns’ 25. The unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Brown set up a short field goal and a Chiefs’ win. Congratulations, Dwayne! EVERYBODY knows who you are now!
Worst Game
Nominees: Cincinnati at Houston, Week 9; Dallas at Arizona, Week 7; Dallas at Detroit, Week 9; Seattle at New York, Week 3
And the Davey Award goes to: Dallas at Arizona, Week 7. The Seattle-New York game was actually more mind-numbing, but had I picked that game, I couldn’t have pointed out that the one game Bill Bidwell and the Cardinals are guaranteed to sellout every year (Dallas), didn’t sellout. What a disaster.
Worst Commercial
Nominees: There are no nominees because I just want to bitch about those Coors Light ads.
And the Davey Award goes to: Those stupid, annoying Coors Light Ads!!
I
Hate
Bad commercial bands
Actors playing fans
The owner of the ‘Skins
And the Twins
Please, somebody kill whoever created and produced those abominations, as well as the band that does the song. Actually, you don’t need to kill the whole band, just that lame-ass singer. Hey, Jackass! The word “twins” is one syllable NOT THREE! It’s not tuh-wee-uns. God, I hate rock singers that think it raises the level of badassitude when they over-annunciate the lyrics. Just die already. And, is it just me or do the Twins look kinda skanky (not in a good way)?
The other two commercials that Coors Light is currently molesting us with suck really hard, too. You know the one that does the killer, heavy duty cover of “What a Wonderful World” and that other one that does the bitchin’, way cool cover of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things,” complete with the same ricky that over-annunciates the word “mittens.”
As if Coors Light didn’t suck enough already. How did that swill get to be third behind Miller and Bud? In college, we’d drink anything before Coors Light; Pabst Blue Ribbon, Black Label, freaking Pearl or Lone Star, even. Hick girls from trailer parks drank Coors Light. Plus, the founder and his family are a bunch of heavy duty fascists just right of Atilla the Hun. His name was ADOLPH, for Cripes sake!! Dammit! Now I’m all mad!
Lamest Fans
Nominees: Dallas Cowboys, Cleveland Browns, Houston Texans, Oakland Raiders
And the Davey Award goes to: Cleveland Browns. If I were Tim Couch, I’d bail on those losers ASAP. Nobody needs to take that kind of garbage from that gangload of bottle-throwing suckholes, especially after all the physical abuse he’s absorbed up to this point. No wonder Modell bailed on those losers.
The Deion Sanders “Way Past His ‘Primetime'” Award
Nominees: Cris Carter, Jeff George, Bruce Smith, Emmitt Smith
And the Davey Award goes to: After hearing about his “Phantom Sack” dance wherein he would arrive at the pile after somebody else sacked the quarterback and break into a celebratory dance in the hopes that the official scorer would credit him with maybe a half sack and move him closer to Reggie White’s record, I was all ready to give this to Bruce Smith. Then, he actually got a couple of sacks last week and the Dolphins signed Cris Carter. I guess the Miami locker room was just too harmonious; Cris will remedy that right quick. Nice dropped passes and fumble, by the way. Oh, for the record, while he was nominated, Jeff George was disqualified because he never really had a prime.
The Deion Sanders “‘Excellence’ in Broadcasting” Award
Nominees: Deion Sanders
And the Davey Award goes to: Deion Sanders. Who does he have photos of? Who watches this cackling buffoon and says, “My, what a talent!”? How does he keep an on-air job which requires him to speak? He is indescribably horrendous in every aspect of his job. He’s the very definition of “not funny” and, at times, appears to be borderline illiterate. His voice is irritating. In short, he sucks completely. So, here ya go, Neon. Another award named in honor of your shameless display of your utter lack of ability. It will be handed out annually to the single worst on-air personality associated with the NFL.
If you need to contact Dave Sabo over the next, oh, say, month and half or so, forget it. He’s picking up a copy of the just released Grand Theft Auto: Vice City this weekend and will be unreachable. 
Brett Favre 
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