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August 22, 2002
Jag Wars
By Dave Sabo

Does anybody hate the Jaguars? I mean hate the Jaguars. I, myself, am finding it difficult to work up any feeling towards Jacksonville, much less the measure of ill will usually engendered by a division rival. Perhaps that’s where the problem lies. Jacksonville doesn’t feel like a division rival, yet.

The “Oilers” have the Bud Adams factor. I know there are a few out there that insist they harbor no animosity toward the team, but what about Bud? Most of us hated him when he was here; now that he’s a division rival, sending him home with that “kicked dog” look twice a year should be a moral imperative.

Remember how I couldn’t find a good reason to get all worked up over Indianapolis a couple of months ago? Well, problem solved. The good folks over at Coltpower (and one jackass from something called Coltsnews) have done a bit of squawking lately, effectively taking the first shots (at Vic Fangio) in what could become the early storyline in the Texans/Colts series. Were the 2001 Colts defensive woes a result of a lack of talent or Fangio’s coaching shortcomings? Regardless, Ric’s set me straight on one thing: Peyton is a dead ringer for Corky of “Life Goes On” fame.

But, enough about the “Oilers” and the Colts; what about the Jags? Is there any reason to really hate them? Any reason? Let’s take a look.

We took Boselli, Payne and Walker from them Well, there’s not much to go with here. Sure, we snatched three starters off their roster and they got nothing in return, but it actually should help them in the long run; in one fell swoop, they solved a lot of their cap problems. Heck, they’ll probably all receive a nice ovation when the Texans make the trip to Jacksonville. If Boselli is done, it could get ugly, but I think he’ll be back at some point. All in all, not much going on here.

Jacksonville got their first win at our expense a) That’s ancient history and b) That’s really Nashpatch’s problem now (and they don’t seem too broken up about it). I find it hard to believe that anybody in Houston is really gonna be looking for PAYBACK in their first meeting. Sure, a win would be sweet, but then, every win will be sweet this year. As far as storylines go, this one is pretty sorry.

Tom Coughlin is a real hard-ass Yeah, but is he a really hateable guy like Billick or Martz or Spurrier? Or especially that whiny crybaby, Chuck Noll, back in the day? What do we care if he runs a boot camp and all his players hate it? No skin off our noses. If anybody has any good stories that would lead me to hate him, I’m all ears.

They (and the Panthers) are responsible for the current AFLian trend in uniforms Well, now, that’s just weak, even when you consider that the “A” stands for “Arena” and not “American”.

The City of Jacksonville is an utter cesspool Unfortunately, I don’t know this to be true, as I’ve never actually been there. I recently drove through Jacksonville and the traffic was ungodly, but it was Spring Break and the road to Daytona Beach goes through Jacksonville. Actually, it seemed as if the entire Florida interstate system was at a standstill so, how can one really judge? I guess the worst thing I can say about the City of Jacksonville is that it’s located in the tourist hell that is Northern Florida.

Jaguar fans are dolts Once again, I can’t make that statement in all honesty. In fatc, I really couldn’t tell you anything about the average Jags fan. They don’t really register. None have made their presence known in Post Patterns (not that that is necessarily a bad thing) and the last time I checked Jagzone, it was really quiet in there. I guess the worst thing I could say about Jaguar fans is that, at this point in time, they leave no discernable impression whatsoever.

So, there you have it; Boselli, ugly uniforms and bad geography. Not exactly the stuff of legends.

Looking over the Texans schedule and their thirteen opponents, I can pick out seven teams (Dallas, Indianapolis, Buffalo, Tennessee, Cleveland, Pittsburgh and Washington) that I’d rather see the Texans beat before Jacksonville. Maybe in the coming years when the Texans begin competing for a division championship and division games become more important, I can work up some righteous anger over the Jags.

Unless somebody can give me some good reasons to hate the Jags, I guess I’ll have to hate the fact that there’s nothing to hate about them.

Dave Sabo heard the news, baby. All about your disease. You may have all you want, baby. But, he’s got something you need. Oh, yeah. Tom Coughlin Tom Coughlin Return to Houston Pro Football If you have a question, comment or suggestion, contact Dave Catch up on past installments of The Armchair Quarterback